Month: May 2020

** TW: Death **

As I sat in a cold chair in a terminal of the Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport, I spoke into the microphone app on my iPhone. Two strangers sitting across from me stared, probably wondering why I was using my phone as a spoken diary at 3 AM.

I had flown in from LAX and was on my way to a flight (my first ever solo flight) to Buenos Aires, Argentina. There, I was to join my mother and other family members, for the last week of my Aunt’s life. Claudia was my second mom. She was also the one who always told me what I didn’t want (but needed) to hear. A healer, a fighter… she was pure resilience. It’s hard to express the impact she had on my life into words, even more so in such a short blog post. But you can find my best attempt so far, in this blog post.

Hearing my reflection a little over a year later, this recording shows me just how much I’ve grown in the year of her loss. It marks the tangible shift in my perspective of change. It’s the reason I’ve become more independent; it’s the core of my new-found intentionality with my words and actions. It comforted me as I sat in that airport at 3 AM, when the only desire on my mind was to make it in time, praying she would wait for my arrival. It’s now reminded me of the need to step forward and move onward fearlessly.

And with that, a step into a project I’ve always hesitated to begin… my first ever podcast “As We Grow.” Here, I’ll share my words and seek out the stories of others. I’ll speak on the essence of this recording… the light and darkness of change, in relation to identity and self-growth. The beautiful and the complicated of life.

I’m a firm believer in the power of storytelling, in the comfort of words and connective experiences. My hope is that in sharing my story and those of others, I’m able to contribute to the much needed lack of human connection and empathy in today’s global climate.

Here’s to learning, as we grow.

From a young age, I’ve experienced the lovely, double-edged sword of late-night creativity bursts, powered by insomnia. The sleepless nights definitely have their drawbacks, but truthfully, I’ve always attributed the bulk of my personal growth to these untimely productivity bursts. As of late however, my occasional insomnia hasn’t had the same effect.

In less than two weeks, I’ll graduate from UC Santa Barbara. As I approach the end of an incredible chapter and step into a new one of uncertainty, heightened by the realities of the pandemic, I’ve struggled to feel hope. Waves of numbness, sadness, nostalgia, frustration, anger, and anxiety all occupy space within my mind at the same time. Sleepless night after sleepless night, I’m tormented by the devastating global circumstances that I watch on the news, knowing that it’s only a glance into what’s really going on. Granted, I do have the privilege of being safe and healthy at home with a supportive and loving family, for which I am so grateful. But even so, it’s heart-breaking to see the loss that is encompassing the world and the apathy present in many who do not seem to be concerned by the realities at hand.

At the same time, I’ve been reminded of the presence and power of true human connection. Recently, I was reading a book and came upon the quote circled below.

I took a moment to really process it. “Life is powerful but so are you.” For the first time in a long time, the darkness hovering me dissipated a bit. I started to realize… whether it’s the online videos of neighbors singing from balconies and cheering on essential workers, seeing a young person deliver an elderly stranger’s groceries to their car, the stories I hear from my family in Argentina, or my constant movie nights with family, I see so much light.

The videos we like and re-share, the comments we write, the words we speak, the actions we choose… they matter. Oftentimes, more so than we even realize. In providing resources, support, and/or love, our individual actions have the power to influence and better the lives of those around us. At the core of this impact lies: intention and empathy. It’s about sharing our experiences and perspectives, and listening to that of those around us, to collectively improve our societies.

It is for that reason and thanks to a long over-due, welcomed instance of insomnia that I present this new project.

I’ve always been a firm believer in honest content, so as bleak as this situation may be, I’m not going to sugar coat it. Instead, I’m going to highlight the light that exists even in these dark times, through the eyes of my lived experience and perspective. I’m going to share my stories and those of others around me, in the hopes that I can bring relief to others.

After all, sometimes all it takes is just a few words on a page.